@eliyudin: I have a great vocabulary, just ask my um female dad
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: How would you define yourself? ME: *don't let her know you're a delicious chocolate cake* Moist
@stephenjmolloy: [Pilot intercom] Me: "Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."
@WheelTod: My wife says I've placed unreasonable expectations on our kids, but I think Superman and Wolverine will turn out just fine.
@KKAlThani: Can't believe Nintendo didn't make a commercial for the Wii where a guy breaks up with a girl by saying "It's not you, It's Wii".