@LostFelicia: I have a habit of 5 starring bad movies on amazon because if I wasted 90+ minutes on that crap, I want you to suffer too.
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@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.
@robdelaney: My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby's head. Sorry babe, I'M NOT A DETECTIVE.