@summerofbenny: I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed.
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@Blarebare: Me: I just stepped in dog shit, isn't that weird? Her: Not really Me: Ok, what if I told you I knew it was there?
@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
@SCbchbum: My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.