@summerofbenny: I have a huge gash in my forehead. I'm going to assume I got up in the middle of the night, fought some crime, and went back to bed.
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@ThisOneSayz: Woman to friend at store: We can get shrimp for people who don't eat meat! Me: don't forget the cheese for the lactose intolerant people!
@Cheeseboy22: Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse has less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse.
@alrightjam: Will you date me? breathe if yes, swim across the atlantic ocean while reciting the bible in japanese if no
@CopBroughtPizza: thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...