@omgthatspunny: I have a job crushing pop cans. It's soda pressing.
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@benrector: Me: hey, I'm looking for an email. iPhone mail: this one from 2012, unrelated to your search? Me: no it was last week iPhone: can't find it.
@Jacksawyerr: If I got kidnapped I'd continuously sing Pitbull songs until they kill me, I'd die but at least they'd suffer too.
@AimeeHelene1: Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)