@OhNoSheTwitnt: I have a lot of disdain for anyone in the top 1% who hasn't become Batman.
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@donni: It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house
@PerkyandSaggy: *Girl opens Xmas present* "Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?" "Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*
@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.