@OhNoSheTwitnt: I have a lot of disdain for anyone in the top 1% who hasn't become Batman.
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@AbbieEvansXO: [two weeks into the zombie apocalypse] Me: [ventures outside] oh my god there’s a zombie apocalypse
@beefman138: Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I'm guessing it's the same place you're going.
@markleggett: At some point, male "pick-up artists" are just going to start chasing women around like Benny Hill.