@NotOnTheMoors: I have a male dead set on getting into my pants. It's the cat and my knickers drawer, but still.
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@TheHyyyype: [ornithology test] PROFESSOR: name all the birds you know ME: personally? well there's willy the wren who hangs by my window, and crazy pigeon pete but i haven't seen him lately
@WheelTod: [Date] Him: I don't trust myself around you Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom
@WheelTod: Weird how all salons are closed on Sundays, yet if you can convincingly fake a heart attack, paramedics will shave your chest-hair for free.
@gsu9696: Yeah, he jumped from 128,000 feet, but I fixed the shower today with a 4yo asking what i was doing 128,000 times.... Lets call it tie, ok?