@geekmaude: I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.
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@GeauxSaints79: M: Are you gonna eat that baby? Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O' M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind.
@aligarchy: *hand touches hot stove* BRAIN: GET IT OFF NOW NOW *mouth eats hot food* BRAIN: CHEW FASTER. JUGGLE IT WITH YOUR TONGUE. DON'T BE A QUITTER
@Douchekevin: I will not tolerate watching the neighbourhood kids bully my nephew. So I keep the curtains closed.
@EpicurusRising: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!! *holds up severed head The crowd stared in horror as the National Spelling Bee contest took a morbid twist.