@Imsohoppy: I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking.
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@WheelTod: I failed a history exam, stood-up my girlfriend and accidentally bought a packet of figs today because I'm terrible with dates.
@bakerbakerbaker: friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?
@BromanConsul: "It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see," I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library
@HysteriaBarbie: My coworker had a baby. I had a BLT. I think we all know who the real winner is