@inmynewskin: I have a tattoo of a tiger shirt underneath my tiger shirt so when I take off my tiger shirt BOOM tiger shirt
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone] me: I'm having an affair
@CornOnTheGoblin: °at Nike advertising meeting° I need a slogan for these shoes by the end of the day. I don't care how it gets done just do it..hold up a sec
@jillboard: REPORTER: Tell us about the movie ACTOR: oh man so many pranks R: But the movie itself A: lot of pranks R: The director- A: we played pranks