@blood_orphan: I have a tenuous grasp on the English language. Shakespeare? That dude's grasp on the English language was, like... twelveuous.
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@internetluke: *as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 "Wow, push-ups?" Uhm, no? Just learning to count.
@Jerrypleasure: [Kindergarten school] Principal: You have to stop peeing in your pants. Me: But— Principal: to set a good example for your students
@SonOfCha: You know who DOES see something wrong with a little bump n' grind? Trevor in human resources.
@NotMarkAllen: I feel like a taco salad is the worst way to eat a taco, and yet, the best way to eat a salad.
@aysashaya: Strip search? ... OK, but I'm going to need some background music.
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