@kelownagoose: I have an awful lot of shampoo and conditioner for a single bald dude
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@Marlebean: NO, I will not come get candy from your van, Im not craz.. Oh cookies? Hmm. Double stuff?! You don't say! The white one w/ no windows? Sure!
@jimmytorosian: [commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!
@AsphaltFarmboy: My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said "WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."
@NickBossRoss: You legally aren't married until someone says, "haha but seriously" in their wedding speech.