@UnFitz: I have an irrational fear that I'm accidentally making up words. I don't want to be misunderstandable.
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@LuvPug: If I was a pug, nobody would give me funny looks for slobbering in public or eating food off the floor.
@heatherlou_: Got 3 boxes of tampons, Midol & Ibuprofen at the store. Checker was so scared he paid for my shit & carried it out for me.
@Jake_Sniff: [girl texting me] you left a sprite in my fridge [CUT TO] Me, crossing step one off of my "secretly move in with her" plan
@Qu4rtKn33: Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day.