@LeonEarlgrey: I have been using teeth whitener, and now they are completely oblivious to the experiences and sufferings of other peoples.
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@deardilettante: [hits you in the face with newspaper] "Sorry, I thought your eyebrows were caterpillars."
@Brianhopecomedy: How my 7 year old plays board games: Rolls a 6. Counts to 6. Moves his piece wherever he wants.
@Angrea: I'm suspicious of people who don't like dogs...But I totally trust a dog when it doesn't like a person.
@realHamOnWry: I slept through my girlfriend's alarm this morning and hit the ground running after her husband threw me out the window.