@LeonEarlgrey: I have been using teeth whitener, and now they are completely oblivious to the experiences and sufferings of other peoples.
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@truegritrumble: (People Touring My House 50 Years After I Die) TOUR GUIDE: And over here we found a second secret room ALSO full of bacon.
@mrjohndarby: Cop 1: There's been another murder Cop 2: I think I see a pattern emerging Cop 1: Please. Put your knitting down and focus
@trevso_electric: Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
@BatBatshitcrazy: My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I'm pretty sure the end days are near.