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@gefiltecat: I have coffee before looking at art.
Brews before hues.
@Donna_McCoy: My husband keeps watching a tv show while complaining about how boring it is, & now I understand how he's stayed married to me for so long.
@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [housefly pilot training]
Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do?
X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness?
I: Repeatedly! Good.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you're interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn't our lawn ever look that nice?"