@SmithWit: I have concluded that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all the missing socks.
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@iwearaonesie: friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine
@Adar79Angie: I let friend's kid call my ex & say "Are you really my daddy?" while I'm in the background yelling "hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"
@TheBoghdady: "When a girl says 'Awww Thanks!', it means she's politely asking you to return to the friend zone that you just tried to escape from."