@Maxine12333: I have days when wearing a hat is the only use I have made of my head.
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@david8hughes: [at the mall] "Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?" "Of course." [leans in to mic] "Goodbye you little shit."
@junejuly12: *rushes in* "Sorry I didn't see the email" *slow smile* *twirls hair* [Teaching office new girl how to be late for meetings]
@SteveSuckington: [job interview] "What's your.." *interrupts* -My greatest strength is my work ethic "Well played. Welcome to the psychic friends network"
@dlockw21: IT: You deleted the OS? Me: I think so. IT: It didn't warn you? Me: Yeah, but it only kinda warned me. What's with the inquisition bro?