@brandonIee: I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money… I'm sorry, but I've moved on, and maybe it's time that you do too.
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@VerifiedJayy: How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
@CopBroughtPizza: gf: i'm breaking up with you. me: is it my drinking habits? gf: well it... me: *interrupts with empty cup straw-sipping noise for 2 minutes*
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich
@pixelatedboat: For you sir I would recommend one of our deluxe funeral plans where I won't dig you up and slap you around when I'm feeling mad at skeletons