@JoeyRation: I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave.
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@thenatewolf: *sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers
@iGreenMonk: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
@sucittaM: If the US ever decides to change its currency from the dollar to the unmatched tupperware lid I'll be a very wealthy man.
@AdderallMomma: I've been contemplating legally changing my name to 'An End', so that all good things must come to me.