@_Ms_Moneypenny_: I HAVE FINALLY MET MY DREAM MAN
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@ActuallyEmerson: Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
@truegritrumble: ME: I can’t believe he ruined my life. THERAPIST: Who? ME: *points at myself* This idiot.
@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left
@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.