@_Ms_Moneypenny_: I HAVE FINALLY MET MY DREAM MAN
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@DanOverHere: My boss asked me for a brief word. I said "underpants?" and we laughed and laughed and I'm clearing out my desk.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party.
@Shock_Monster: It's been clinically proven that the most effective form of birth control I can use is: "Just be myself."