@ActuallyEmerson: Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.

@truegritrumble: ME: I can’t believe he ruined my life. THERAPIST: Who? ME: *points at myself* This idiot.

@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left

@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.

@PinkCamoTO: Me: I got my first TOTD! It's exciting! Him: What's that? M: um, well, it's an imaginary trophy... H: well then I'm imaginary proud of you.