@lisaxy424: [a person with cold hands] DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH THOSE [a dog with cold paws] POOR BABY COME HERE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY BODY HEAT

@mrjohndarby: [looking at our kids baby photos] me: ugh, this one came out real bad wife: oh yeh, just get rid of it me: ok. *shouting* TIMMY! PACK YOUR BAGS

@nishadtrivedi: If you feel trapped in your body with no way out, just think about that guy in the middle of a conga line.

@_Water_Baby: At the beginning of a long plane ride, I like to ask my husband why he loves me. His frantic look for an escape hatch entertains me.

@3sunzzz: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ~What is your sin, child? My husband and I are arguing ~That's very common. ...about my boyfriend.