@Eightinchgoat: I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don't. So, from now on I'm only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DirtyySouthMess: Apparently it's not enough to just show up, you need to be wearing pants as well.
@TheTweetOfGod: Ray Rice. Michael Vick. And now Adrian Peterson. Congratulations, NFL. Your woman/children/animal abuse trifecta is officially complete.
@Kalarlis: When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact
@IncrediblyRich: I'm wearing my big rolled up socks again today and I'm doing so with pride. So all you haters can get in a taxi and chip off.