@Eightinchgoat: I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don't. So, from now on I'm only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
@kavoinooi: I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don't hurt his feelings
@InternetHippo: MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship
@LostFelicia: I bought new sunglasses that blend well with the color of my hair so I won't feel so stupid the next time I lose them on the top of my head