@dumbbeezie: I have jury duty tomorrow so whoever it is, they’re getting the chair
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@gerryhallcomedy: Cop: Sir, you can't use hand-held communication devices while driving Me: [trying to hide ouija board] What are you talking about?
@daemonic3: Hey girl, do you like bad boys? [drinks milk from carton] Or REALLY bad boys? [eats spoonful of yogurt one day after expiration date]
@Try2StopME: Before you decide to spend less time on social media, make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
@QwertyJones3: BUILDING INSPECTOR: This building is not structurally sound ARCHITECT: why BUILDING INSPECTOR: Well first of all it's made of paper ARCHITECT: Yeah construction paper!