@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
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@RykWeston: So, funny story. That Thundercat I shot on my front porch was some dumbass kid in a costume. Regardless, he's going up on the wall.
@rolldiggity: "They say penguins can't fly. Can't? Or never got the chance?" I whisper in the penguin's ear, shoving him out of the aircraft.
@charliedelta7: McD's drive thru: Welcome back. Me: Welcome back? That's pretty presumptuous. MDT: ... M: ... MDT: The usual? Me: Yeah. Thanks Brenda.
@caperbc75: "Can I help you find something?" I'm looking for the perfect diamond for my wife that says "sorry I cheated on you in your dream last nite"