@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
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@Rollmaninoz: [at my funeral] *casket falls onto the floor* Mum: that's the quickest I've ever seen him move Dad: lol owned
@mylifesuckers: My kids just connected worlds in Minecraft. So now they can fight in a virtual universe too.
@wilw: I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences.
@bourgeoisalien: Hey, Christianity- what's all the fuss about a virgin anyway? I could be a virgin if I wanted to. But I don't. Because sex. Also? More sex.