@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
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@PinkCamoTO: H: You look nice. Me: I'm meeting one of my Twitter friends today. H: So you want your picture on the evening news to be a nice one? Me: Yep
@SamGrittner: If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, "this'll do"
@PhilJamesson: A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly. [I scramble to take off my full-body fly costume]