@Brianhopecomedy: I have keys on my keychain from the houses I used to live in just in case I'm hungry and in the area.
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@Moe_Murdah: Boyfriend questionnaire: 1) Have job? 2) Have car? 3) Have goals? If you answer yes to any of the above questions thanks but no thanks.
@ArfMeasures: Breath escapes my broken body. I collapse amid dark, icy spears of pain. The fight's done. It's over. GYM INSTRUCTOR: You've done 9 seconds
@TheCatWhisprer: I own a lot of Nike shirts for a guy who just bought a movie on iTunes so he wouldn’t have to get up and get the DVD from the other room.
@bea_ker: [with father in law] "You know how to pluck a goose, son?" Er yes sir, sure do *stretches goose's neck and plays it like a double bass*