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@junejuly12: I have laryngitis, and my kids have never been happier.
@CaptPinkbeard: Woman: I love a man with an accent
Mán: Well hello there
@Thee1_4U: Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I'm over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.
@t0shiba: I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
@linkindrinkin: james bond: shaken not stirred
home depot employee: thats how we always mix the paint