@bencoffeehall: I have learned to accept that my parents are "Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses.
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@Maxine12339: Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.
@TheTimmyToes: [on the way to the hospital] GF: "let me get this straight. You thoug-" Me: I thought that the mouse trap would detect that I am not a mouse
@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.