@bencoffeehall: I have learned to accept that my parents are "Santa," but I still have no idea how they get to all those other houses.
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@jordangerous: Facebook: My little man is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Twitter: Free baby. DM for details.
@TheMichaelRock: Someone called me stupid and then blocked me before I even had a chance to agree with them.
@tastefactory: Let's all smash our hands together repeatedly to indicate that we enjoyed that thing.