@krishna_van: I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find 'em.
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@JimGaffigan: "Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day." - Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life.
@sammyrhodes: If you've ever wondered which of your friends loved V for Vendetta, you're in luck today.
@lilgapeach30: I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Might not kill him but he'll never have any friends.
@Mikecanrant: "YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce.