@realDonaldTrump: I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
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@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
@ShutUpThatsWho: [God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]
@TeaPartyCat: BREAKING: Hillary Clinton concedes election to Donald Trump, saying “I just can’t see how I can win after Scott Baio endorsed Trump.”