@realDonaldTrump: I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
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@QueenofSparta: Me, during phone sex: Babe, do you ever feel like somebody's watching us? Him: No NSA agent: No
@therealeatwood: BOB: Hey boss can I get another raise SCROOGE: But I just gave you… B: What’s that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?? Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!
@geo_teira: [at a restaurant] Me: uhm. This plate is broken and the food is all spread out. Waiter: yes ma'am, that's the continental drift breakfast.