@TheCatWhisprer: I have no idea how the cavemen could afford to eat paleo.
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@SondraDeeMe: When the cops are at your door have on a cape, carry a wand, and tell them you're a magician when they ask how your boyfriend disappeared.
@prontopup: "'Earth' without 'the' is just 'ar'." - Pirates If you haven't seen "Earth without art is just eh" then you prolly didn't like this tweet.
@LifeUnPinterest: HIM: Why is this sticky? ME: Remember that crazy sex we had? I got pregnant and now we have a 2YO contaminating the entire place with filth