@ranndrew: "I have no porpoise!" -existential marine biologist.
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@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@AmishPornStar1: Maybe I misheard him... But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.
@TheTweetOfGod: Wouldn't that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? "So retro!", you'd think as you were vaporized.
@Brampersandon_: WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*