@Dr_powpow: I have nothing in common with people that learn from their mistakes
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@kellyoxford: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.
@HallpassCanada: For the record ladies, your insecurities about your bodies is a bigger turn off to guys than your bodies ever could be.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first karate lesson] Me: *entering dojo* BONSAI!!! Sensei: Do you mean 'Banzai'? Me: *just starts chucking little trees at Sensei*
@panmidwest: [First Date] ME: I prepared some questions to get to know you HER: Ok! ME: What's the capital of Honduras? HER: um… ME:[writing] bad at geo-