@WilliamAder: I have patio furniture in the friend zone.
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@LifesGoodThing: My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
@mlkef: Every time I see a white work van, I beat the driver unconscious, and check in the back. Sooner or later I'll be a hero.
@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@Arroia: Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn't like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes.