@WilliamAder: I have patio furniture in the friend zone.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed.
@c12h22o11balls: Dad: It's atomic number is 26. Oh, and it's chemical symbol is FE Son: Wow! How do you know so much about iron? Dad: Well it's in my blood
@Kim_pulsive: I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again
@mattsurely: WOMAN: Is anyone here a doctor?! MAN: I sure am! And I think I can. Save that man. Like eggs & ham. W: Shutup Seuss! I meant a real doctor.