@Dr_powpow: I have performance enhancing shrugs.
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@causticbob: My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, "Who else would I cheat on?"
@Brampersandon_: CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on
@TheFunnySayings: My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident