@Dr_powpow: I have performance enhancing shrugs.
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@ohen39: me: I'm gonna spend valentine's day alone doctor: no you're not me: *blushing* are you asking me out? doctor: no. you're dying
@XplodingUnicorn: I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say "no."
@Ygrene: Dad: (tears in eyes) you're going to make a fine dad someday Son: (tears in eyes) should I make him out of wood or metal Dad: (just bawling)
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Therapist: You have passive aggressive issues. Me (under my breath): says the woman who only listens to my troubles because I pay her.