@VaDawn13: I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away.
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@Spaziotwat: [*Wakes up on sofa] "Did I...DID I HAVE A FIGHT WITH BATMAN?" Wife [from bedroom]: "YOU. PUNCHED. A. NUN."
@tchrquotes: Me: I ate all the chips. Wife: What!? For the boys' lunches!? Well, at least we still have cheeze its. Me: You're not going to believe this
@Token_Geezer: Why did he do that? Who is she? What does that mean? When did that happen? Why? How? I need to go to the toilet. - Child, at the cinema