@VaDawn13: I have seagull managers. They swoop in, screech like hell, shit all over everything, then fly away.
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@jonnysun: *stares at phone* why cant i sleep *puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun* oh
@GianDoh: I washed my antibiotic pills down with a probiotic shake and now I'm back to square one.
@Chicken_Hawk38: Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] "You take this & you give it to my wife." "No [pushes watch back to soldier] she lives really far away from me."