@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
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@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.
@briangaar: Sometimes I'm playing a dangerous game like Halo & people ask if I get scared but honestly no, your training just takes over
@thejessbess: Probably the most valuable life lesson I've learned from a movie is to not steal black girls' cheer routines.