@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
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@Elizasoul80: When I misplace something and you say "where did you have it last" I feel like you don't know what misplace means.
@jonnysun: ME EVREY MORNIG: nonono no noNO no NONO NO!!! ME EVREY NIGHT: u know wat wil make my morning amazing?! setting my favorite song as my alarm
@Ristolable: Me at 20: I'm smarter than everyone in the world Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station
@MatCro: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - "....""