@juliussharpe: I have the Anne Hathaway "It came true!" reaction whenever the guy at Subway hands me my sandwich.
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@carlyken: My favorite part of football is when players "look to God." Because He's all, "I can't do shit for the Middle East but I'm rooting for YOU."
@davidkenny100: Have you never heard of the boy that cried wolf??? The girl that coughed bees? The boy that sneezed sharks? The girl that shit spiders?
@TheMichaelRock: You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands.
@EndhooS: [Looking at ultrasound monitor with my wife] Wife: Look at it's little heart beating! Isn't it amazing... Me: It looks like a crossiant