@DurtMcHurtt: I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
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@chris_coltrane: TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS EXPLAINED: 1) Rich people make money 2) It "trickles down" to offshore banks 3) Government closes libraries/hospitals
@alfageeek: Wife: We don't have anything planned today… Me: Cool! Wife: …so I was thinking we should… Me: (dammit)
@ElgatoEsmio: At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter