@DurtMcHurtt: I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
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@kiel_phillips: DOCTOR: I think you have a curvature of the upper spine QUASIMODO: That a diagnosis? D: We need an X-ray to confirm. Right now it's a hunch
@ninjadinosaur1: Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn't agree on whose turn it was to get the goat.
@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.
@ChaoticBeny: Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas