@DurtMcHurtt: I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
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@JermHimselfish: Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together
@FeelingMervis: UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs.
@GoldenSpirals: Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
@_LUMP: People in Arab nations are still wondering what all the western world hub bub about hump day and camel toe is about.