@markydoodoo: I have the dance moves of a dog with mittens on its paws.
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@danorslim: Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone.
@pakalupapito: isnt it odd how people kill flys just because they’re annoying if people killed people for being annoying i would’ve died like 15 years ago
@KatieBurnett: Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate
@bobvulfov: *couple's marriage begins to fall apart* *marriage counselor blows on them like an N64 cartridge* Okay how about now