@markydoodoo: I have the dance moves of a dog with mittens on its paws.
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@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.
@thepunningman: [hospital] "I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again" "Oh God, he's paralysed?" "No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
@Breadery: My ex got engaged at Christmas but apparently responding to the news with "LOL" is "a representation of everything that is wrong with me."