@OctopusCaveman: I have this awesome app that shows me what I would look like as a fat person. It’s called Camera.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rockymomax: [ultrasound] DOCTOR: oh my god! HER: what's wrong? DOCTOR: Ok don't panic but it looks as though you swallowed a baby
@Underchilde: I hate it when I have lots of visitors but only enough chloroform for one and have to use it on myself.
@AnneeWH: A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
@skankymunter: You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together & there was only one life jacket, I’d miss you and think of you often.