@oldmanweldon: I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself.
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@NJFreudian: My therapist asked me, "How would leaving twitter make you feel?" I replied by asking him, "How would switching therapists make you feel?"
@Blarebare: Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate.
@DistractedMomma: Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are. - Me, to myself, when I'm fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing.