@FattMernandez: I have this theory that McDonald's hamburgers are actually made out of their employees. That's why they're always hiring.
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@iGreenMonk: How girls put on their pants: *Left leg* *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done..
@shutupmikeginn: Me: It's cold outside. Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.
@DurtMcHurtt: Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.
@collegefession: "I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there's no walk of shame I'm an early morning scholar #3.9GPA" - NSU