@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.
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@RyanAndrewMitch: Never go to a place that has burgers, sushi, chicken wings and donuts on one menu. Never.
@drinksmcgee: I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig… Until I realize that maybe she has a type.
@TheCiscoKidder: After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster.