@SaltyCorpse: I have to go watch my kid in a math competition and I just don't understand why Jesus has forsaken me like this.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@CornOnTheGoblin: [at my funeral] puppeteer looks over at my wife: I'm so sorry, it was in his will [i sit up in the casket]
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!
@anjeanettec: Kanye West said being a rapper is like being a soldier or a cop but hey at least he didn't compare himself to Jesus. Oh wait.