@NikiWithIssues: I have to stop saying "Because I'm Batman" all the time. It's not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I'm Batman.
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@quintabrunson: Man on the street: girl ya cute. Can’t tell if you’re 14 or 17. Me: i can tell that either way you’re going to jail
@FinallyHeSleeps: Somehow my beach-bod went to a dad-bod and unfortunately now it's more of a beached-dad-bod.
@OkieGirl405: Pro tip: when your neighbors make you mad, send your 8 y/o son over to describe in complete detail what all 379 of his Hot Wheels look like