@ventivodkacran: I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.
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@crunchenhanced: For valentine’s day, I’m taking my wife to see “50 Shades”. How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.
@DevilryFun: I do my best speed walking when I'm trying to beat another customer to the checkout at the liquor store.
@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife