@ventivodkacran: I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@animaldrumss: me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?
@90spideypool: when you're jamming to an old-school r&b song and someone older than you ask "what you know about this?" me:
@Terry_maximo: [funeral] *walks up to give eulogy* *pulls notes out of pocket* "Frank was a weirdo that bit his toenails." *folds notes* *sits back down*
@shariv67: "I'd make an awesome president. Give me a problem, any problem." "Um, population control?" "Kill all the storks. BOOM!"