@OfficeofSteve: I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in
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@gibbet: As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute..
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: I like how you dyed all the meat green for St. Patrick's Day. Chipotle manager: It's St. Patrick's Day?
@ReticentTurnip: Are you questioning my vocabulary skills, pal? Cause you are gonna get punched right in the plethora
@AdamBroud: [Garden of Eden] EVE: If I eat the apple I get to leave? GOD: Get to? ADAM SANDLER: Eatin that appley bappodoodaly EVE: Yes, get to.