@OfficeofSteve: I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in
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@TheDeducers: *Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt* I'll have whatever is the most splattery and red
@XplodingUnicorn: 1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That’s how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl.
@donni: COP: Anything you say can and will be used against you-- ME: Handcuff keys COP (to his partner): Damn, this guy's good