@Crunch11b: I haven't been laid in so long that the Pope is laughing at me.
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@Dawn_M_: Someone asked me if I'd found my soulmate and I was like lol I cant even find my debit card.
@kumailn: Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I hate when people say "you always want what you don't have" like that's really insightful and not just explaining the definition of "want."
@Book_Krazy: Yeah sex is great, but have you ever rubbed your eyes for a really long time? O. M. G.