@ThaJawn: I haven't been this disappointed since I found out that spider monkeys are not half spider half monkey
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@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint.
@huntigula: [job interview] Last test: put ur hands on the desk & don't move [plays 'In The Air Tonight'] [I begin violently shaking as drum solo nears]
@FredPollack: Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds.