@ThaJawn: I haven't been this disappointed since I found out that spider monkeys are not half spider half monkey
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@kellyoxford: "Please add your phone number to secure your acct." Facebook is now the Nigerian Prince.
@HpHubert: Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
@preritpathak: *At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes "No, I'm good" & "No, I'm just looking"* Me:"No, I'm just good looking"
@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: I'M REALLY MAD AT YOU MOMMA SO I'M GOING TO BED EARLY Me: OH NO. NOT THAT. ANYTHING BUT THAT