@Mr_Kapowski: I haven't cleaned my car in so long that I still have paper maps in my glovebox
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@aliterative: If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, detonate the explosive collar.
@JermHimselfish: I only star inspirational tweets from 15 year-old white girls, because they've obviously got the deepest insight into the human experience.
@Roweboat13G: *boss stops meeting* Mike, is there something you'ld like to share with the whole group? Me: Nooooo, that's why I whispered it to Alan.