@primawesome: I haven't had bread in 3 weeks. I look great but now all I think about is bread. I'm basically a duck at this point.
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@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at work 2 hrs late Boss: HR wants to see you about your behavior Me: Well, I literally just got here so it couldn't have been me
@timdonakowski: Thousands of married racists are waking up this morning and questioning the skin color of their spouse.
@imagine_vegas: If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
@LlamaInaTux: Me: *Making a wish as I throw a quarter into the fountain* Coworker: He's ruining the fondue again!