@FattMernandez: I haven't seen a kid on a leash in a while. I guess parents started releasing them back into the wild.
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@kchees: All the single ladies put your hands up! *handcuffs all the single ladies together and pushes them off a cliff* I'm your only option now.
@Jenny4ashley: I haven't been around a baby in so long I can't even remember how to put their leash on.
@withanewname: [seaworld] "Hey what happened to the new guy?" -He tried to have sex with the dolphin in tank 6 "But there's a shark in tan.." -BINGO!
@BlindChow: INTERVIEWER: it says here on your resume that you're good at small talk? ME: ʸᵉˢ INTERVIEWER: holy shit