@TheMichaelRock: I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
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@joshy_beck: There was a cricket on my toilet seat so I just backed out awkwardly. Lock the door next time, bro.
@abhorrent_wife: All it took was a skirt and one strong gust of wind and all of a sudden, my spirit animal is Hello Kitty.
@iwearaonesie: [texting] me: I just left and I already miss you wife *typing response* me: (can you read that to the dog for me)
@iAmDelFreaky: They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun. *crashes vehicle* "OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!" *dies smiling*