@TheMichaelRock: I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
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@Dr_awfulpants: [at ATM] Would I like to check my balance? Okay sure. *presses button* *robot leg shoots out and sweeps mine* 'Your balance is: awful'
@77StephanieG77: Text from mom: How's my baby girl? Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much
@TheBoydP: I'm guessing whoever said "There's no point beating a dead horse" has never been in a zombie apocalypse.