@TheMichaelRock: I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
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@aka_fatman: "I have a hard time with faces. One time I mistook a wolf for my dead grandmother LOL!" - Little Red Riding Hood, talking to a coat rack.
@TurnpikeTony: I better fix the hinge on this cabinet door before Ryan Gosling comes over, takes his shirt off and builds my lady a house.
@JanineEB4: My biggest regret to date is probably never telling Kary C, Kerri B, Cari R and Kerry L from 4th grade that their names were spelled wrong..
@PhilJamesson: WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another.