@ericsshadow: I hear all these Trump supporters saying they support him because he speaks his mind. Well you know who else speaks his mind? My 4 year old.
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@YesItsAl: I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend
@Mindless4Miles: Hopefully women like a mature man. Because when I say I can do it multiple times a day, I mean vacuum.
@ojedge: [first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] "…& they all lived happily ever after" Customer: "That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"
@Scorpio1080: The Human Body Is 90% Water, So Basically We're Just Cucumbers With Anxiety" - Science Person